True Love in Marriage.

Are you also trying to find true love in marriage? Finding love before marriage is very easy. You can find live in your neighborhood, office, collge, or school. You are with that person for a few months or few years, and if they doesn’t match your preferences or expectations, you easily leave them without even thinking of the consequences or other persons feelings. But marriage is completely different. It is when two different persons and families meet together try to adjust to each other’s likes and dislikes and try to find a pure bond between them. That is Love, support, and Respect. According to me, this is more interesting than love marriages. Because in love marriages, you already know how your partner is, so after marriage, you will not be able to explore your partner in different situations and find out their likes and dislikes. Arranged marriages make you understand your partner slowly, and this takes at least 1 year, 2 years, 6 years, and sometimes a lifetime. Each day you will learn something new about your partner.

Can you find true love in marriage? Is it possible? Yes, of course. This can happen 3 months after marriage, one year after marriage, 3 years after marriage, and 6 years after marriage. You just need to be patient and do all your responsibilities as a married partner. According to me, love and true love are two different feelings. Love is when you find the other partner attractive, calm, sweet, and everything about them. True love is when you accept your partner the way they are—respecting them, guiding them, stopping them when they do wrong, telling them their mistakes to correct themselves, caring, supporting when they are right, giving them priority, and wanting to live with them for life. True love is not easy. You need to sacrifice and adjust to many things to keep your partner happy. But it would be worth it if they did the same for you after some time.

Everyone has their own past. In teenage years, everyone knew who their first love was and wanted to marry them in the future. There are also very few people who don’t want to be distracted at this age and focus their minds and hearts on other things. They want to find true love in their partner, to whom they get married with their family’s permission. And this is a beautiful thought. Love between husband and wife is not the same as boyfriend and girlfriend. It is more mature, growing, pure, and respectful than love before marriage. If you had a girlfriend or boyfriend before marriage and you broke up with them, this doesn’t mean you will not be able to find love again. You can always find true love again. And finding true love after marriage in your partner is possible if you give your best in your relationship.

Marriage:-

Both arranged marriages and love marriages are scary if you don’t get the right partner. Life becomes hell, and you will always feel depressed. Before marriage, many people act good and smart, and right after marriage, they change like a chameleon. All their promises, sweet words, care, respect, trust, and behavior change suddenly, and you will not be able to digest it.vThis happens if your partner married you for money, property, or socital pressure.  Thatswhy it’s very important to choose the correct partner before marriage. A person can also change after marriage when they see how koyal and good their partner is. But in our societies, since marriage is based on looks, background, and family status, we all ignore the personality and behaviour of the partner before marrying. That’s why it takes time for both couples to understand each other’s personalities after marriage. It can take at least one year to 3 years to fully understand your partner. In between these days, you may have many fights, misunderstandings, no trust, and less respect towards your partner. So it’s very important to be very patient initially and try to understand your partner. Even after a few years, if you are not able to understand your partner, or their behaviour doesn’t change towards you, then there is something seriously wrong in your relationship. You have to rectify it before it’s too late, or leave the relationship if it’s hurting you mentally, emotionally, and physically.

Expectations after marriage:-

After marriage, every couple thinks the same. They expect so much from another partner that they end up hurting themselves emotionally when their partner doesn’t fulfill all their desires. Before entering into a marriage, you should make up your mind that marriage is not a fairytale or a queen’s lifestyle; it is like a roller coaster, where you will have huge ups and downs in your everyday life. There will also be love, respect, surprises, gifts, and quality time, but it is very little. So be ready to adjust, compromise, enjoy yourself, and be patient. Still, so many couples don’t believe in all this, and they think that if you’re getting married, your partner should behave like your slave and do all the things that they think of in their mind. Here are some of the main expectations every couple expects from their partner:-

• They want their partner to love them every day, just like they did to their first love in their teenage years.
• They want their partner to give gifts and surprises all the time.
• They expect their partner to be very expressive and to trust them blindly.
• They also want their partners to tell them every secret of their lives.
• They want their partner to remember all the important days and functions in their lives.
• They expect their partner to understand their feelings without telling them.
• They expect their partners to calm down without giving moral support when they have mood swings or depression.
• They expect their partner to always praise them, though they make mistakes.
• They expect their partner to give all the time in the world to them.
• They expect their partners to buy expensive gifts instead of small gifts to prove their love for them.

There are many more that I am not able to tell here. This is where the problems begin in a marriage or any relationship. Expecting something from a partner is like burdening yourself and your partner mentally and emotionally. When you love yourself, your work, your personality, your behaviour, your time, you don’t need anyone to do that for you. Of course, the surprises and gifts that your partner gives you make you feel special, but this can’t happen every day. Because everyone is busy making their own identity and money. People nowadays have very little time for relationships, commitment, surprises, quality time, and spending long hours together.

Compromise and adjustments:-

Remember that in every relationship, you have to make some compromises and adjustments. This can be huge or very tiny. Don’t ever think that I am independent, and why should I adjust in front of them? Let go of your ego and calm down. Little things that you do for your partner stay with them for life. They will never forget what compromises you made for them. This makes your bond more strong. If not now, after a few years or after a few months. I am not telling you to compromise or adjust on the huge mistakes that your partners make, like cheating on you, always telling lies, disrespecting you in front of other people, treating you as a slave, physically hurting you, not taking care of you when you need them the most, and not loving you like before. Remember that love becomes stronger as the marriage progresses. If there is a greater communication gap and less love and respect towards each other, even after 5 or 10 years of marriage, this means that your partner is no longer interested in you, and he is finding someone else outside, or they are trying to ignore you and concentrate on their own life. They will stay with you only to show society that you are his/her family and you are living peacefully, just like others.

You should adjust when your partner:-

• Doesn’t give you quality time like before, due to their busy lifestyle and tensions.
• Taunts or scolds you when they are going through stress and depression.
• Doesn’t buy you gifts every now and then.
• Doesn’t call you every day.
• Doesnt take you out every day or twice a week.
• Doesn’t remember your anniversary, birthdays, or other important dates.
• Don’t give you pocket money when they are financially unstable.

I know this is not easy, and it is going to hurt you mentally. You might think that all other couples are happy and they do everything for their partners, but this is not true. Everyone has their own relationship problems, and no one tells the truth. Sometimes letting go will make your mind and heart peaceful. If your partner loves and respects you, he will understand your feelings someday or the other day. But just taking divorces or fighting every day with your partner based on these small matters is not the solution. This makes your partner feel depressed, and they will start losing interest in you as they see you always taunting and comparing, though they are trying to do their best, according to them.

Patience and Self-respect:-

It is very important to be patient in a relationship if you want your relationship to grow stronger and stay with you for life. You have to be very patient and listen to your partner when they are trying to tell you something before lecturing them. Patience is very bitter, but its fruit is very sweet. You may see the results after a few years or after a few months. Patience also has a limit. There are some things where you cannot and should not be patient.

Don’t be patient when your partner is:-

• Cheating on you.
• Physically hurting you.
• Disrespecting you always.
• Abusing you or using bad words.
• Treating you as a slave.
• Always keeping you locked in the house and not letting you go out.
• Not allowing you to talk to your family or friends.
• Not taking care of you when you’re sick.
• Not supporting you when you are right.
• Taunting you for your looks and body.

This is when your self-respect comes into play. At this time, when you see all these red flags in your partner, you have to decide what is best for you. You have to respect your decisions, feelings, and your body. When you take a stand for yourself, no one can hurt you.  People support those who stand for their self-respect and dignity. Respect yourself, and others will respect you. Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth. The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself. People fear telling you something bad when they already know you are very strong from inside, and you will reply to them with more powerful words.

Communication in a relationship:-

The role of communication is very important in every relationship. Your partner should know how you feel. Frankly speaking, others don’t know what’s going on in your mind. They can’t read your mind or heart. We cannot expect them to have these supernatural powers of going inside your brain and heart and know all your feelings and thoughts. You may have seen some movies and dramas where people do everything for their partners before they tell them. This is not true in real life. Remember that reel life and real life are very different. Don’t get inspired or addicted to this reel life. They spread only positive thoughts and ignore the negative thoughts, which also play a very important role in this life.

So tell your partner if you’re not feeling good. Tell them what makes you feel depressed. Tell them what things about them annoy you. Tell them what they are expecting from you. Explain to them the reasons for not spending quality time, not giving enough pocket money, not buying as many gifts as before, and not treating you like before. This will help your partner understand you better, and they will try their best to find a solution to all these problems.

Important things in a relationship:-

• Express love to your partner whenever possible.
• Praise them for all the hard work they do.
• Appreciate them for their work.
• Say thanku and sorry without feeling shy.
• Support them in every tough situation.
• Buy them small gifts occasionally.
• Go on a holiday at least once or twice a year.
• Spend some quality time with your partner every day or at least once a week.
• Respect your partner’s decisions.
• Help your partner achieve their goals.
• Never use bad words in a relationship.
• Never disrespect your partner.
• Praise your partner in front of others and your family members.
• Help them in their work whenever possible.
• Be patient when they are not able to give you enough time or are not able to take care of you like before.
• Take care of them when they are not feeling well.
• Never bodyshame your partner. Accept them the way they look.
• Respect your partner’s family members and friends.
• Allow your partner to go out with their friends or family and spend some time on themselves.
• Talk politely to your partner.
• When they are wrong, try to correct them politely.
• Don’t feel ashamed or shy to catch your partner’s hand in public.
• Show small gestures like hugging, playing games with your partner, feeding them with your hand, grooming them, taking good care of their things, and making them feel special.