Daughter-In-Law Versus Son-In-Law

I don’t understand why marriage rules are very different in every country and in every religion. Every country has its own marriage rituals, traditions, and culture. But in our country, it’s very big and very traditional ritual that is going on in the same manner since ages. But I love the marriage concept in our religion Islam. It is so simple and extremely beneficial to all women. Women get more rights than men in our marriage concept and also rules and advise on how to lead a healthy marriage life. Husband and wife have equal rights on each other, and it also teaches husbands to do household works or help their wife in kitchen. In Islam, a man has to give a certain amount of money to the bride during marriage and provide her with all the household essentials and her basic needs. There is no concept of dowry, but the bride’s family can give anything as a gift to their daughter for a comfortable life. But nowadays, marriage feels like a lifetime business deal more than connection, family, bonding, and life partner even in Muslim communities. People are more concerned about money or gifts that they get from their in-laws than the behavior, mindset, skills, qualifications, personality, and background of the bride or groom. If the bride is not rich or from a good rich background or if she doesn’t bring anything from her home, but she is good in terms of personality, knowledge, care, and qualifications, she is still treated like a maid or have to listen to continuous taunts from in-laws and other family members at her in-laws’ home for being poor and not bringing anything from her parents’ home. Money is of course very important but that doesn’t mean you have to get it in a wrong way or from other people. If your life partner is not good, then what is the use of money. It will all go away along with your mental peace in hospitals, therapy, lawyers, health issues, and court. This is happening especially for women in our country more than men. Nowadays men are also facing many issues regarding marriage, but women’s percentage is more. Many women are taking advantage of our Indian marriage laws and blackmailing their in-laws and husbands for their own selfish reasons.

What is Marriage for a Girl?

For a girl, marriage is the ultimate goal of her life according to the society and many parents. Once she gets married, all people feel relaxed as if they have done something great to their daughter and themselves. But for a girl, her real life starts now. Every steps become a challenge. You may have noticed, she becomes a completely different person after marriage. There is something unheard and unsolved in every daughter-in-law eyes and heart in our country. Even when you try to ask them or try to solve their problems, they don’t feel the necessity to tell you anything as they have lost hope in everything. They accept the life as it is and live in it without any blame. They slowly become silent, irritated, hopeless, and busy with their own things. This doesn’t happen for all women, and there are some daughters-in-laws who live like queens in their in-law’s home by blackmailing them, talking rudely to them, making them understand their mistakes, and taking control of all the house. You cannot tell this as good or bad. Because to be a good human being, you have to balance all these things correctly and this is what a woman learns after marriage. To balance and manage things correctly between all the family members. To speak correctly at correct time. To help their husbands and in-laws mentally and emotionally. To maintain a correct bond between all the family members. To take care of her family and husband. To stand for herself even when no one is supporting. To be honest and Polite. To sacrifice her career and dreams for family (According to our religion Islam, for a woman, family is her first priority, when her career is not allowing her to give time to her family and kids, it’s better to change the job or do work from home). I also think the same. Nowadays women are thinking more about their career and independence leaving behind strong bonds and not taking proper care of children. Remember that you can achieve your dreams in many ways at home or by doing part time jobs or businesses, but once children get older, you cannot get those cute playful days back and children will start blaming you for not giving them enough time. Once they get older, they no longer need your time, and they become busy in their own work and life. At that time, you will feel lonely and miss your children. God has blessed you with a great responsibility of carrying a baby in your womb for 9 months and nurturing them once they come out in this world. Your husband can only help you with all these things, but it’s your duty to take care of your children at home. You don’t need to quit your dreams or career for this. You can continue doing it once your children become a little older.

After marriage, everyone expects a woman to be perfect in all ways. Very beautiful in looks, fair in complexion, height above 5.4, slim like heroines, caring like a nurse, have very good health, MasterChef in cooking, cleaning the houses perfectly like robots and machines, good qualifications, earning some money either by job or work from home while doing all the household work, and taking care of kids properly and perfectly. And we women also think the same. We spend our lives and waste most of our time impressing others forgetting our self-worth and self-esteem. It’s time to change this. We should also be treated like the sons-in-laws right after marriage without the need to prove ourselves. You just no need to treat a son-in-law like your own son or a daughter-in-law like your own daughter. Just treat them as normal people who have just started their marriage journey and need some support, guidance, love, care, and advise form elders instead of disrespect, taunts, and making them work all day long.

What is Marriage for a Man?

For men, its completely opposite. They enjoy this whole process of marriage as they don’t need to leave their parents’ home and stay in their in laws home once they get married, they get a beautiful bride with so many good qualities, they get so many things from the bride’s family like gifts, household items, and money. If the man doesn’t get a good bride, then all these things become negative and his marriage becomes toxic, but this is not in a majority of cases. And the most important thing that they get from their in-laws and the bride’s family is “RESPECT” instantly after marriage, which girls try to earn after marriage and sometimes never get it even after many years. Every son-in-law is treated like VIPs in their in-law’s home. And I don’t understand why. No matter how they look, how much they earn, how they behave, how they talk, how they take care of their wives, or what is their background. They are specially treated by the bride’s family as if they have chosen the world best husband for their daughter and as if he is superior to all of us and he is taking the burden of providing food, money, and shelter to their daughter for free. But a girl also leaves her comfort zone at her parents’ home, goes to a completely new house, learns new rules, new traditions, tries to adjust with all the new people, learns cooking, helps everyone, takes care of elders, helps her husband in every way, gives birth to his children, takes care of children, takes care of the house, and respects everyone in the house. But no one sees this. All women are told to adjust to the taunts and disrespect that they get from their in-law’s home after marriage only because of society and also because the husband is providing everything that their daughter needs. No one talks about the mental pressure or emotional blackmailing that is going on in a woman after marriage.  I know not all parents think like this. Since marriage is a very important part in everyone’s life, and a girl has to go to in-laws’ home after marriage, no parents can completely ban it or tell anything against it. Every culture preaches about love, unity, and equality in families. But when it comes to the treatment of a daughter-in-law versus a son-in-law, the story often takes two very different turns. Have you ever noticed how the same family that expects endless sacrifices from a new bride showers unconditional respect on the man marrying their daughter? This silent difference has existed for generations — and it’s time we talked about it.

Why the Unequal Treatment?

When a man joins in a company for a job, and if they don’t like the atmosphere, salary, or boss of the company they easily change the company or at least they get their salaries, holidays, appreciation, promotions, and bonuses for their work. Even in relationships, when men don’t feel right about the relationship, they either try to correct the other person strictly or come out of it very easily and no one will ever point out any fingers on them thinking that a man can do anything and he has the right to do everything he likes. But what does a women get after marriage. Now please don’t tell me that she is living freely under a roof provided by her husband, getting food for free, so much free time to watch movies and enjoy herself, and get luxury items for free. What people don’t see is that she doesn’t get any salary for her immense hard work at home, no bonuses, no holidays, no sick leaves, no promotions, no office parties, and no resignation. She has to be with the same man no matter how toxic he is only for the sake of society, children, parents, and respect in neighborhood. Even if she leaves the relationship after facing many problems, people call her divorcee and point out her mistakes for the failing of her marriage. And if she is a working woman, then the burden on her becomes double. She has to do the household work and the office work. No one tells a man to do household work after coming home from job. But still many women choose the second option to do both the household work and office work together. Do you know why? Because when we work in companies, we get our own salary, appreciation from boss or collogues when we do good work, office parties, new friends, bonuses, promotions, maternity leaves, holidays, and many other benefits. So, women are ready to handle both the burdens only for the satisfaction, money, and independence that they get while doing their favorite job. And why only a women should take care of her in-laws? Why doesn’t a man take care of his wife’s parents? A wife has to call her in-laws and ask them about their health and other things, but a husband never does the same to his in-laws. Instead, he expects the bride’s family to call him and ask about his health and work. And the same happens with in-laws too. Bride’s parents are not given more respect like the groom’s parents. The bride’s parents have to respect the grooms’ parents more and take care of them properly during marriage ceremonies and all other functions. Taking care of old people is a good deed, but this should not be forced by anyone. It’s the children responsibility to take care of their parents. A husband should take care of his parents, and a wife should take care of her parents. If a wife takes care of her in-laws and if a husband takes care of his in-laws, it is a good deed but it’s not compulsory for them.

Many parents tell their daughters to come back home if they are facing a lot of problems in their marriage, but after a few days, they also feel the same as others do. Their daughter and her kids become a burden to them, or the relatives, friends, and family members advise them to get married her again or solve the problems in her marriage so that she can go back again to her in laws home. Because they think, if a daughter stays at parents’ home after marriage, there will be no respect in the society and people will talk bad about them and their daughter. This might sound bitter but it’s the truth. I have seen so many cases like this. But only a few parents, don’t bother all this at all. For them, their daughter is everything. And they will go to any extend to protect their daughter from all negativities. In a few developed countries in India, men are becoming more mature and trying to help their wives in housework and career too. They are giving respect to their wives and understanding them much better. They are even helping their wives in raising kids. But frankly speaking, this number is very less and needs to grow more across all states in our country.

Expectations from a Daughter-in-Law: – 

• Adjustment: – A new bride is often told: “This is your home now, you must adjust.” Whether it’s food, habits, or lifestyle, she is expected to blend in without complaint. They often tell her that adjustment is her responsibility and her Duty. It doesn’t matter if she misses her own room, her favorite meal cooked by her mother, or her family’s traditions. Adaptability is treated as her biggest quality after marriage.

• Perfection Pressure: – From cooking skills to behavior with relatives, a woman is silently judged on how well she fits the “ideal wife & daughter-in-law” mold. Perfection is expected from cooking skills to the way she speaks, the woman is always under a microscope. A small mistake becomes gossip-worthy. Meanwhile, her achievements often go unnoticed because being a “good daughter-in-law” is treated as basic duty, not a choice.

• Sacrifice: – Leaving her family and career behind is seen as natural and normal, and even staying close to her parents’ home after marriage is sometimes criticized thinking that she will go to her parents’ home every day and not do any household work at her home. All her sacrifices go unnoticed. She leaves her parents’ home, her comfort zone, and sometimes even her career to fit into her new life. But instead of being celebrated for this huge transition, she is reminded to do more, give more, and expect less.

Expectations from a Son-in-Law: – 

• Minimal Adjustment: – Rarely do we hear: “This is your wife’s home now, you must adjust.” A son-in-law is treated like a guest, not someone who must change his ways. His comfort is prioritized. From food to lifestyle, everything is customized to his liking.

• Respect Without Tests: – He is often praised just for showing up, regardless of how much effort he puts into bonding with his wife’s family. He gets respect without doing any effort. He is often praised just for being polite or visiting occasionally. He doesn’t have to prove his loyalty to his wife’s family. Respect is handed to him freely.

• Privileges Over Pressure: – Sons-in-law are given respect, freedom, and sometimes even special treatment, from lavish meals to undemanding in-laws. Privileges are given to him freely instead of pressure. At family gatherings, the son-in-law is treated like a special guest. Extra dishes are prepared, chairs are reserved, and his opinions are respected. The same family that scrutinizes the daughters-in-laws every move rarely questions the sons-in-laws choices.

The In-Law Double Standard. Why it still exists?

This double standard comes from deep-rooted patriarchy, where the woman is seen as leaving her family behind to “belong” to the husband’s side. Meanwhile, the man is rarely expected to shift loyalty or identity. This inequality isn’t random; it’s rooted in centuries of patriarchy. A daughter is seen as “paraya dhan” (belonging to another family), while a son is viewed as the heir of the home. When a woman marries, she is expected to leave behind her roots and dedicate herself to her husband’s family. A man, however, is not expected to shift loyalties. He remains the “pillar” of his own family while still being respected by his wife’s side. A daughter-in-law is treated like an outsider who must earn her place, while a son-in-law is treated like a guest who automatically belongs to the family.

Time for Change: – 

Families need to ask themselves: Why should a daughter-in-law prove her worth daily while a son-in-law is celebrated effortlessly? and why can’t both be treated with equal warmth, respect, and understanding? True equality begins at home. If families break this bias, marriages will feel less like battles of adjustment and more like partnerships of love. Think of wedding rituals. A bride cries as she leaves her parents’ house, expected to fully embrace her husband’s home. Meanwhile, a groom often continues to live exactly as before, only with added privileges. Think of festivals. A daughter-in-law is expected to learn every tradition of her husband’s family and perform them perfectly. And a son-in-law just has to show up, smile, and eat. Think of day-to-day life. If a daughter-in-law calls her parents frequently, she’s judged as “too attached” to her home instead of in-law’s home. But if a son-in-law doesn’t visit his wife’s parents often, it’s excused with: “He must be busy. “These unequal expectations don’t just hurt women; they hurt families too. They create tension in marriages. They prevent genuine bonding between in-laws. They make marriage feel like a burden for women instead of a partnership. Equality at home isn’t just about treating men and women the same, it’s about treating in-laws with the same respect, regardless of gender.

So, what if families flipped the script? What if daughters-in-law were welcomed with warmth instead of tests? What if sons-in-law were expected to adjust too, instead of being treated like VIPs? What if we treated both as individuals, not gendered roles? Imagine how much stronger, happier, and healthier family relationships would be if both daughter-in-law and son-in-law were treated as equals. After all, a son-in-law, earns money and takes care of his family. And a daughter-in-law, takes care of her husband and kids and does all the household work, check the bills, take care of all the school activities of her kids, take care of her in-laws, and manage all housework patiently. Both do their roles correctly and that’s why both should be respected equally by their families and others. Their work should be valued. Just because a homemaker doesn’t get any salary for her work, she should not be disrespected or make her feel useless.

Final Thoughts: –

A daughter-in-law is not a servant earning acceptance. A son-in-law is not a guest deserving automatic privilege. They’re both individuals stepping into a new family and they both deserve fairness. Because at the end of the day, families aren’t built on gendered roles. They’re built on equality, compassion, and balance. If you’ve ever felt this difference in your own family, maybe it’s time to start the change at home. After all, fairness begins within the four walls of our home before it spreads to the world. I know some families don’t treat the sons-in-laws the way they deserve or respect them. And some families, respect their daughters-in-law and treat them good for their hard work and qualities. But this is very rare in our country. I have hardly seen some families like this. At last, If I have hurt any of your feeling or emotions, I am really sorry for that. I just wrote what I feel and what needs to be changed according to me. You can ignore the article, if you don’t think the same way or don’t like it, and please let me know what you think about this concept in the comments section below.